I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
