No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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