Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
