I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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