it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
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Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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