Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex

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  (703): the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex http://tfl.nu/ydbw
  Replies (31) Good night (5232) Bad night (645)
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  (714): View more from California

  they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.

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  (714): they just dont make restraining orders like they used to. http://tfl.nu/scp3
  Replies (6) Good night (787) Bad night (3177)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.

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  (631): I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens. http://tfl.nu/64xb
  Replies (43) Good night (4317) Bad night (732)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer

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  (734): wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer http://tfl.nu/eltm
  Replies (30) Good night (5712) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.

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  (856): So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron. http://tfl.nu/ru5k
  Replies (18) Good night (1505) Bad night (5330)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....

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  (225): Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss.... http://tfl.nu/pts0
  Replies (16) Good night (4536) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"

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  (402): Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails" http://tfl.nu/xka9
  Replies (6) Good night (2643) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.

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  (+44): I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life. http://tfl.nu/bbi7
  Replies (14) Good night (7051) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.

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  (914): Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face. http://tfl.nu/vgja
  Replies (12) Good night (3423) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.

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  (559): I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives. http://tfl.nu/x41u
  Replies (6) Good night (1740) Bad night (546)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT

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  (406): Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT http://tfl.nu/rebq
  Replies (7) Good night (1001) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.

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  (541): It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost. http://tfl.nu/hkh5
  Replies (2) Good night (851) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra

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  (650): i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra http://tfl.nu/msm7
  Replies (12) Good night (761) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm a corrupt cop.

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  (678): You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably. (404): I'm a corrupt cop. http://tfl.nu/teya
  Replies (4) Good night (1769) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.

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  (727): I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/f77x
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (385)

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