I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.