I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.