just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!