so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room