Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys