I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night