So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.