i jhust puked up my retainher.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk is not a location!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself