I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.