I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
