just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
