im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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