Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
