i jhust puked up my retainher.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Are we still banned from the library?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
