I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize