dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
barbara walters just said penis...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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