She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
