dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
