we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
