The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
