Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
