this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
