I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
