Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
