just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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