just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
