sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
