shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
