I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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