dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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