dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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