Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
