well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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