You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
