and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
