i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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