found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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