I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
