couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
