He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
