Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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