Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
