Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
