a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
