Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
