You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
