Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
