I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
