ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dear god my vagina.
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