so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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