this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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