this boner is exhausting
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
