Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
