im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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