I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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