So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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