So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
