I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
