I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
