Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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