What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
