I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
