Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
