You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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