So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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