Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
