I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
