Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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