The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm really busy with my period
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