Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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