hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
porn star boner night. come get it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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